


Greedy For a Human

by theexhaustedalchemist



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Fingering, Greed Comes Back, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:33:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23249293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theexhaustedalchemist/pseuds/theexhaustedalchemist
Summary: Greed was in too fucking deep.It’s not like his current situation could’ve been prevented, as he isn’t called “Greed the Avaricious” for nothing. But he never expected it to apply to this
Relationships: Greed/Ling Yao
Comments: 12
Kudos: 179





	Greedy For a Human

**Author's Note:**

> After watching this show for the second time, I was inspired to write because (spoiler alert!) Greed doesn’t deserve the ending he was given. To help me write the ending, I definitely took inspiration from Catw00man, so go check out one of my favorite fan fictions ever “Two Sides of the Same Coin” (which they wrote!) I hope you enjoy!

Greed was in too fucking deep. 

It’s not like his current situation could’ve been prevented, as he isn’t called “Greed the Avaricious” for nothing. But he never expected it to apply to this.

2 days before 

Ling was in control as he laid in bed. Greed from the start set the precedent that he would be the one who was in charge for a majority of the time. But after a long day of listening to royal advisors blabber on about the best way to approach the subject of heightening tariffs on Amestrian trade next month with Führer Mustang, and then going to three biannual meetings with three clan heads in one day, Greed was tired. Sure, Ling was really the one in charge for most of the meetings since he knew that politics weren’t Greed’s strong suit, but even just listening to those meetings was tiring! 

Sensing Greed’s tiredness, Ling looks inside at Greed and smirks at him, “What’s the problem, Homunculus? Is ruling an empire not as great as you thought it would be?”

Greed just lets out a bark of a laugh. “I’m not the one who’s always panicking about not being good enough to rule, kid. If anyone is having second thoughts it’s you. Besides, I thought we were long past calling me that.”

Ling rolls his eyes, “Sorry Greed. I didn’t mean to offend the ‘King of the World’ himself.”

“I know when you’re rolling your eyes, kid. Also, call me that more often. It has a nice ring to it.”

Ling doesn’t take the bait and sighs, biting his bottom lip. 

“What is it, kid? Don’t lie to me, I think I know your annoying anxious habits by now.”

“It’s just - There’s...”

“Just say it already! I think we both know that I’m a professional at taking bad news.”

Ling scoffs but continues, “There’s something I haven’t told you about Xing culture yet. I think you already know, but - It’s happening tomorrow and - Well I can’t put it off any longer.”

“Kid, you’ve lost me. Either say it or be mad that I figure it out from your constant overthinking.”

Ling continues to bite at his lower lip and casts his eyes down from the projection of Greed. Greed looks totally different than he used to - his face isn’t just the ultimate shield mask; he looks like a combination between the first Greed and Ling, probably due to Ling helping Greed get his memories back before he was killed by Father on the Promised Day. After Ling injected the liquid remains of the Philosopher’s Stone, Greed appeared to him completely different than ever before.

“Hello?? Are you still there kid? Stop daydreaming and tell me what’s so important!”

The projection of Greed is waving his hand in front of Ling’s face, but Ling just ignores him. He bites his lip once more, and blurts out, “I’m getting married!”

Ling can feel Greed’s shock at that statement accompanied with a little….hurt? But Greed quickly covers his initial reaction up and just laughs.

“Well congratulations! Who’s the lucky lady? I have to admit you shocked me there, kid. I didn’t take you to be such a player! You would’ve had to meet her and get to know her in the 2 years I was dead, and then not speak to her for another year? Wow! That’s ruthless! Are you sure Wrath isn’t in here somewhere?”

The exasperation is clear on Ling’s face as Greed mocks him. “No! Greed - okay let me start over. Okay. So when you died I was 15, right? I became emperor when I was 16, and now I’m 18. There has never been an emperor over the age of 18 who wasn’t married. The peace between the clans depends on it. Even though I’ve already abolished the whole ‘having 50 kids each with a different wife and then forcing the kids to either kill each other or fight for who gets to be emperor next,’ the royal family, the leaders of the clans, and all of Xing will expect me to be married. So tomorrow my advisors have set up for me to meet with 50 potential wives, all from different clans, and I won’t know which clan each comes from so it’s fair. There’s nothing I can do about it, and I’ve already pushed it back 3 times because I never knew how to broach the topic with you, so I guess it’ll just be really awkward for you tomorrow.”

Greed’s mouth opens slightly, but he quickly closes it and forces out a laugh. “Wow kid, if I didn’t know any better, I would think that you’ve forgotten who I am. You’re telling me that I get to spend the day with 50 beautiful women and you expect me to be dreading it? Remember, I want everything, kid.”

Ling frowns slightly but then a blank expression snaps across his face before Greed has time to process it. “Well I’m just warning you because I’m going to need to be in control for most of the day tomorrow.”

“No way! You’re telling me that you want to be in control for what could be the most entertainment I’ve had for a month? You’re crazy, kid. I’ll be in control tomorrow. Besides, even though I’m sure you’ve had some great times with women before, I’ve had over 200 years of sex. You can’t compete with that.”

“There’s no competition at all.” A faint blush crosses Ling’s cheeks and his eyes drop to the ground. Greed’s eyes narrow as he takes in Ling’s bowed head, crossed arms, and averted eyes.

He laughs with realization, “Wait a second, kid...are you telling me that you’re a virgin? That can’t be true… you’re literally royalty. You’re telling me that the ladies aren’t dropping their panties every time you walk past them?”

Ling blushes deeper and just says, “I’ve never had the chance to do anything.”

“Bullshit kid. There’s no way that not one woman approached you before you left for Amestris.”

“I’m done talking about this!” A scowl crosses Ling’s face and then he disappears from Greed’s sight as Greed steps back in surprise.

“Didn’t mean to offend ya, kid. Why so touchy?”

Ling’s silent, which either means that he’s going to sleep or ignoring Greed (the second option is more likely as it’s way too early for Ling to be asleep. That kid runs on less than 4 hours of sleep a night).

“Well goodnight to you too I guess,” Greed mutters. Did he really hurt Ling’s feelings? There’s no way that Ling, who tricked the Elric brothers for weeks that he was helpless, is hurt by this. So something else must be the problem then. And Greed intends to find out what that is. 

1 day before 

The meetings are supposed to start in an hour, and Ling still hadn’t said a word to Greed. Greed is in control, the way he likes it, but he’s noticed the absence of the annoyingly sarcastic emperor inside. Greed glances around him and sees his usual bodyguard and the emperor’s closest human companion, Lan Fan, right behind him, but the other bodyguards aren’t in sight. Greed resumes walking down to Ling’s mediation area, and shuts the doors behind him, with Lan Fan remaining outside. 

“Okay kid, what’s going on? Your super important dates start in an hour and you haven’t talked the entire morning!”

“I’m fine Greed. I’m just not looking forward to fighting with you all day about who’s in control.”

“I know that you’re lying; this is not the only issue, but I’ll just figure out the other problem when you unintentionally reveal it later.

“Shut up. This is the only problem that’s of your concern. Ling’s projection is blatantly angry as he scowls at Greed.”

Greed starts in surprise. “No need to get snappy with me. Just because you’re a mighty emperor now doesn’t mean you get to talk to me like that. Remember: you’re my possession. You chose for me to control you, so a little more respect would be nice.”

Ling doesn’t say anything, and he finally stands up from where he had been sitting, sulking with so much fervor that Greed starts getting into a bad mood himself.

“Stop sulking like a baby. You’re an emperor so act like it! If you stop ignoring me and address me like someone over the age of 7 would, then we can talk about this control issue of yours. But until then, I’m keeping control for your meetings.”

“Okay, fine. Look, I just can’t talk about the other thing right now. It would make me lose focus for this meeting, and whether I like it or not, they are actually really important for the future of Xing.”

“That’s more like it. Now tell me what the issue is.”

Ling can’t believe that Greed is being the moderator right now, but he’s secretly thankful that Greed is hiding his usual stubbornness. Ling raises his head and looks Greed in the eyes. 

“I can’t risk this being messed up. I really need this to go well. How about a deal? If I’m in control for today, I’ll let you help make the decision of who I’m going to marry.”

“That’s not going to cut it. I already was going to be leading this decision, so I’m going to need something that will appeal to my avarice.”

Ling narrows his eyes. Greed has his usual cocky smirk on his face, so he knows Greed has a plan.

“What do you mean?”

“If I give you control for how long the meetings go, I get to sleep with any of the women we meet today, regardless of who we choose to marry.”

Ling’s face pales. “Greed that’s not fair. You know I’m a -“

“Virgin? I didn’t say we in my demand, did I? You’re not going to be in control; you can just sit back and ignore it or watch if you want.” Greed winks at Ling, and Ling’s face turns red.

Ling groans. “I guess I don’t have a choice, huh?”

“You do have a choice, kid, but it’s either this or you let me control all the meetings today.”

Ling’s silent for a second and then sticks out his hand at Greed.

“Fine. Deal.”

Greed shakes it with mock excitement and then throws an arm around Ling’s shoulders. “Come on kid! Let’s go meet our future wife!”

Ling shrugs off his arm and disappears. Greed shoves Ling into control as they leave the meditation room, one excited and the other one dreading the long day ahead.

“My Emperor, the first lady has arrived.” 

Ling sets down his teacup and nods at Lan Fan, who opens the doors to the receiving room where the meetings are being held. His heart races faster in anticipation and Greed automatically notices Ling’s distress.

“Settle down, kid. You don’t want to scare off one of my potential hookups!”

“That’s not helping, Greed,” Ling mutters as a girl walks into the room, her head bowed. She looks about 15 years old, and Ling notices how nervous her face looks.

“You’re telling me this child is one of the options? Aren’t there any older women?”

Ling ignores Greed and tries to listen as one of his royal advisors, Wu, gets the girl situated and begins asking her questions. 

“State your name,” Wu starts, an empty scroll in front of him so that he can take down the important information about each candidate. 

“My name is Chen.”

“What is your family’s occupation?”

Wu continues with one boring question after another. Although Ling did write the questions, he couldn’t have made them any more interesting, as there was much to consider when choosing a wife. 

The day continues like this, one young girl after the other walking in and being interviewed by Wu. By the time he’s heard even 20 of the candidates, Ling’s head is swarming with all the different information and he’s barely keeping his eyes open.

“Emperor Ling, you’ve heard all of the women,” Wu says as his voice jerks Ling out of his daydreams.

Ling blinks and looks around to see Lan Fan glaring pointingly at him. 

“Kid, I think you’re supposed to announce that you’re ready to deliberate or something. You haven’t said anything for almost a minute now.”

“I need the night to deliberate. Do not send any of the maidens home and do not come into my chambers until the morning.”

Ling rises from his chair and stumbles into his bedroom. He collapses on the bed, not bothering to change out of his ceremonial robes. He’s almost asleep when he’s snapped to consciousness by Greed.

“Kid? Hello? Are you awake up there?”

Ling appears in the projection to see Greed glaring at him. 

“What’s wrong with you? You couldn’t see I was almost asleep?”

“I noticed, kid, but our business is not through. You’re going to have entire clans storming the place if you don’t have a decision in the morning. And we both know how bad your decision making skills are when it’s early.”

Ling sighs and plops down across from where Greed’s sitting on the ground. Ling rubs his eyes with his hands, even though he knows that won’t help as he’s only a projection in their shared mind. 

“Fine. Well then, how about we take a look at the notes that Wu left?” Ling’s projection disappears as Ling reaches over to his nightstand where the notes are sitting about each maiden. 

His eyes skim the papers with dread. How is he supposed to pick between 50 women, none of which he has any interest in? He knows that this is crucial to being the emperor, that all of Xing expects him to have the answer by tomorrow, but does it have to be this damn difficult?

“Woah settle down,” Greed says, frowning, “Yeah this sucks, but at least you get a choice, right? Your father had 50 concubines, so at least you don’t have to be stuck with all of them.”

“That’s not helping, Greed. I know that, but just because what I’m doing doesn’t suck as much as what previous emperors had to deal with, that doesn’t mean I’m jumping with delight about making this decision.”

Greed ignores Ling’s sarcasm and peers at the list. “What about Biyu? Wasn’t she the one who has an Amestrian uncle? You love Amestris. She had a very passive feeling to her and seemed nice.”

“They all seem nice, and pretty, and all those things, but I don’t want to be stuck with one of them for the next 70 years! I hate this entire process! I wish things didn’t have to be this way! If I’m not attracted to any of them, then why do I fucking have to do this!”

Greed can feel the frustration rolling off of Ling. But he can’t focus on anything except the last part of what Ling said. 

“What do you mean that you’re not attracted to any of them?”

Even though projection Ling isn’t there, Greed can feel their face heat up and their heartbeat race faster. “N-n-othing Greed. I’m not talking about that.”

“Kid, I can make you talk. So how about we do this the easy way and you tell me what the problem is?”

“I’m not talking, Greed. Goodnight.”

With that, for the second night in a row, Ling turns over and ignores Greed. Greed can tell that he’s still awake the entire night, as feelings of confusion and embarrassment are being projected off of the emperor straight through the next morning.

Greed doesn’t catch most of what Ling is thinking, as he’s not in control and the thoughts are racing by too quickly. But most of what he gets is a repeated phrase, over and over again: “How am I supposed to do this?!”

2 hours before 

“Emperor Yao?” Lan Fan walks into the room at 10:00 am. He should’ve been up three hours ago, but she knew that he had an exhausting day yesterday, so if he wanted to sleep in then that’s his problem. “The clans are expecting an answer in an hour, so you need to get up.”

She frowns to herself as she takes in the empty bed. She peers into his bathroom and doesn’t see him there either. 

Lan Fan leaves the bedroom and sees the guard who takes the late shift standing outside the doors. “Daiyu, did our Emperor leave his chambers this morning?” 

Daiyu shakes her head as Lan Fan frowns and walks back into the room. She then catches something she didn’t see before. A note sitting on the floor next to his nightstand. “How did this get here? He wouldn’t leave a note on the floor,” she thinks to herself.

She feels a slight breeze and glances at the open window. Her heart races as she bends down to pick up the note and then reads its contents:

Lan Fan -

I needed some time to think, so I left my room. Don’t bother trying to find me, but I’ll be back before the decision is supposed to be made.

Ling

“That son of a -” she starts, quickly setting the note back down and running to the window. If Greed had helped, Ling could’ve easily made the jump to the next rooftop over.

Lan Fan peers outside, but sees no trace of the emperor. 

“Daiyu, please do not inform anyone of this, but our Emperor has gone missing. He left a note,” Lan Fan says as she hands the piece of paper to the guard.

She scans over it and her eyes widen. “But Lan Fan, what if he’s not back in time? What should we tell the advisors and clan leaders?” 

“Tell them that we sincerely apologize, but the emperor got caught up in a very important meeting about a matter of the utmost importance and that he will announce his decision at his earliest ability.”

“Wait, where are you going?” Daiyu asks as she sees Lan Fan turning back to go into Ling’s bedroom.

“Going to find our wonderful emperor,” she mutters, her sarcasm lost on Daiyu.

30 minutes to the decision, 1.5 hours before

“Okay, how about Fan? She definitely had the nicest ass out of all the girls,” Greed says, stretching their neck to the side. They had been sitting on top of the old storehouse since Ling refused to talk to Greed before sunrise. Without any warning, Ling had started running about the rooftops. Greed had finally overcome his confusion and stopped him from going further by taking control about three hours ago. Since then, Ling has barely spoken anything, but has made multiple threats to Greed if he tried to leave where they were currently situated. 

“No.”

“Kid, you’ve got to work with me here. This is the third time I’ve gone through all these names, and frankly, you’ve started to piss me off hours ago. I’m leaving this building in 5 minutes, whether you like it or not, and unless you tell me otherwise, I’ll be making the decision by myself. I already know which one I want to hold up your end of our little arrangement.” Greed sees Ling’s projection have a confused look.

“Wait, what are you talking - oh…”

An expression flashes across Ling’s face faster than Greed can process, but the blank look immediately reestablishes itself across his face after. A cold and unwelcoming presence is now coming off of Ling, and Greed frowns at him.

“We had a deal, remember? If you didn’t want it to happen, then you shouldn’t have agreed to it.”

“I never said I didn’t want it to happen! Besides, it’s not like you gave me much of a choice.”

“Bullshit, I can feel the animosity coming off of you. I don’t lie to you, kid, so stop lying to me.”

“You did lie to me! The entire reason that I was without you for 2 years was because you lied to me!”

“I thought we were over that! I’ve told you countless times that it was so we had a chance at beating that stupid bastard I called Father.”

“You never gave me the choice to help you! Just like you’re not giving me a choice now. I’m sick of you making all of the decisions, even though it’s my body that we’re in. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be here right now!”

Ling’s practically panting as his face flushes redder and redder with each word as he gnaws at his bottom lip so hard that it starts to bleed. In an instant, Greed goes from being a little ways away from him to directly in his face. He grabs Ling’s face in his hand and forces Ling’s eyes to his. Ling’s eyes widen in shock as Greed growls, “Your body? Remember who you’re talking to ‘emperor.’ You may have brought me back, but I own you. You are my possession so don’t forget that. Obviously “his highness” needs a break from control for a while.” 

Greed pushes Ling away as Ling grasps at the air Greed has dissolved into. 

“Wait, what are you talking about? I still have to be in control for the decision today.”

“You’ve lost that privilege. I think I’ve been pretty lenient with you for the past few days, with all of your lying and rudeness, so it’s time for me to return the favor. I’m picking who your wife is going to be, and I’m sleeping with whoever the fuck I want. And I want everything.”

Ling struggles to regain control over their body, but immediately feels the much stronger homunculus pushing him back down. “Careful there ‘your highness.’ Unless you want to take a nice long nap I wouldn’t try that,” Greed says as he pushes Ling deep down, barely keeping him conscious. He feels Ling’s despair, but can’t hear him anymore; he’s too far down in Greed’s consciousness for that.

“Okay. Now that that’s taken care of, let’s get back to the palace. I’ve got a wife to get.” 

Greed begins to turn to run back towards the palace, to see Lan Fan standing on the edge of the roof, her mask on, automail glimmering, and kunai blade drawn. 

“Where is the emperor, Greed? I need to speak to him.”

“Sorry, but your boyfriend is not here right now; Greed’s in control.”

“Give him control, Greed. He needs to come back as himself. You’re not needed now,” she says, raising the blade.

“Yeesh kid, your girlfriend’s feisty,” Greed mutters to himself, before turning back to Lan Fan. “I’m coming back as myself, so you either need to move or tell me what you so desperately need to tell the kid.”

“Greed, I’m not going to ask again. I need you to give Ling control immediately, or risk forcefully losing control.”

Greed mock yawns and stretches, crossing his arms. “You wouldn’t dare hurt me, girl. I think you’re forgetting that I have the body of the kid. If you try fighting me now, the kid could get hurt.”

“Try me,” Lan Fan says, “If the emperor were content and safe right now, you wouldn’t still be in control. He’s in danger because of you, so now, you are our enemy.”

She runs at Greed, attempting to knock him in the side of the head. He quickly jumps back, and feels the ultimate shield being activated, his skin coated with the protective carbon.

She can’t fatally injure me, Greed thinks to himself, “so I have the upper hand. Even if she truly does think that the kid is in danger, she can’t risk hurting him.”

Just as he predicted, none of Lan Fan’s moves against him are at their full force. She seems to instead be concentrated on trying to knock him out. She’s more of an annoyance than a threat. 

“Give up, kid, you’re not going to hurt me. We both know that.”

“I'm not trying to hurt you,” Lan Fan says, sounding almost cocky.

“What -,” Greed thinks, before he is suddenly pushed out of control. 

“Thank you Lan Fan,” Ling says, as the ultimate shield vanishes.

“What? How did you get into control kid? I pushed you way down!”

“When you’re distracted enough, it’s not hard to regain control,” Ling says to Greed before turning to Lan Fan. “I won’t be in control long, but we need to hurry back to the palace before the homunculus tries to regain control. For my decision, if I say anyone besides for Li, ignore it.”

Lan Fan nods once, before running back towards the palace. Ling takes off after her, the whole time fuming about this whole ordeal. If Greed wasn’t so damn avaricious none of this would be a problem.

“Kid, avaricious is in the name.”

“I wasn’t talking to you, Homunculus.”

“Oh so we’re back to this again, huh? What’s with this decision of yours? You and I both know that Li was not a name on that list.”

“Shut up, Greed. Lan Fan doesn’t know that,” Ling mutters, before returning his attention back to the path to the palace.

“What are you going to do when the advisors read that name and a girl named Li doesn’t step forward? Kid, the only reason I’m not retaking control is because you made this mess for yourself. You’ve got to clean it up.”

“I’m aware of that. I have a plan.”

“We both know that isn’t true. Just admit that you fucked up and we can fix this before it’s too late.”

“No. I’ll come up with one on the spot.”

“How hard is it to pick between these girls anyway? What’s your problem? This is all you’ve been thinking about for the past 12 hours, and you still can’t come to a decision. They’re all the same; it’s not like it matters. I have my top picks. Want to hear them?”

“No.”

“Well you’re getting them anyway. My top one is Chuntao. Then Dandan, Dongmei, and Fang.”

“That’s who you want to sleep with?”

“No, those are my picks for our wife. She doesn’t necessarily have to be the one who is most ‘bangeable.’”

“Then how did you come to your conclusion?” Ling asks sarcastically, hoping the homunculus doesn’t catch his genuine curiosity.

“They’re the ones that seem like they’d suit you and I the best. They’re passive, so they wouldn’t ask any questions about our little possession situation, and they seem quiet enough where they wouldn’t need to talk to us 24/7. Seems like a perfect wife to me! Also Chuntao is really hot. Did you see her boobs?”

“So they are the ones you’d want to sleep with.”

“Chuntao is the only one who happens to make both lists. The one I want to bang the most is actually Jie.”

“So you want Jie to be the one who holds up my end of the deal?” Greed feels an odd feeling coming from the pit of their stomach. Could it be - no, it couldn’t be that.

“Yes. Now who’s gonna be your wife? Give me an actual answer.”

“I still don’t know.” 

“You’re running out of time, kid. We’re almost at the palace.”

“I know. Can’t I just ask to do it later?”

“Nope. It’s now or never. Unless you want an all-clan war to break out, you need to come to a decision. Now.”

Ling’s silent for the rest of the way there. His heart rate picks up as they enter the throne room, where the announcement will be made. His palms get sweatier, and he bites hard on his lower lip as he sits down on his throne. He sees Lan Fan standing next to his throne, and he whispers, “Lan Fan I’ve changed my mind.”

She looks at him and realizes that Ling is in control. She starts to speak, but then his royal advisor begins.

Ling feels his pulse get faster and faster as the royal advisor begins with thanking each of the clan’s leaders for being there and reading each of the candidates names. 

“Thank you to all the fine women that have traveled far to meet our emperor. He would like to extend his thanks to each clan for providing a maiden and gives his utmost gratitude to all for their flexibility in this process. Every one of those he listened to would be a delightful choice for his bride, but, due to the new policies Xing has established, he will only be picking one. The maiden he has chosen is Li.”

Ling temporarily blacks out and Greed mentally facepalms as the whole room looks around, waiting for someone to step forward.

The advisor looks on, “Is there a Li here? Please step forward.”

Ling gnaws more on his lower lip as Greed mutters, “I can’t believe I’m about to save your sorry ass.”

Greed swiftly regains control, and says, “I’m afraid that there must have been a mistake. That name was written on the list, so I chose it with much deliberation. The name must have been written in by mistake with one maiden’s information, so I’m afraid that I will have to rethink my decision with another, different kind of meeting. If this meeting goes well, I will be able to come to a decision easily, but if not, I may require more meetings of a similar sort.” 

Greed pauses for a second, and Ling whispers, “What are you talking about? Just say any name on that list; it doesn’t matter.”

Greed ignores him and continues, “As a wife, it is their responsibility to keep her husband happy in every matter, so I will be asking Jie to step forward to see if she can fulfill that matter.”

As Jie steps forward, confused, Ling comes to the realization of what Greed is talking about. 

“No! Greed! You can’t just push this until tomorrow just so you can sleep with her. That’s messed up!”

Greed mutters, “If you had come to a decision sooner we wouldn't be here and I could’ve just found her later.” He then turns to Jie and the rest of the crowd, “Thank you, Jie, for your willingness to participate in this second meeting. Meet me back here tonight at 7 pm. I apologize for the inconvenience, but it might be a few days before I’ve come to a decision. I will send for you all when I’m ready.”

With that, Greed turns out of the room and walks right to his bedroom. As soon as he shuts the doors, Ling lets him have it.

“I can’t believe that you’re going to sleep with that...that girl tonight instead of just announcing a decision!”

“I did you a favor, kid! I saved your ass in there, so you can sound a little more grateful!”

“Why would I be grateful for you manipulating some teenage girl?!” Ling spits out. He looks Greed’s projection right in the eyes and Greed can feel the anger rolling off of him, like a tsunami crashing into a flood wall.

“I bought you time! You were dreading making this decision, so I bought you at least a day, more depending on how many girls I sleep with.” Greed winks at Ling, and Ling’s face feels hot and his heart picks up and why does Greed have to be Greed all the damn time?!

“I actually think I’m being quite selfless right now. I did this for you, and I’m only expecting our original terms to be held up. That’s not very avaricious is it?” Greed asks in mock innocence.

“How is this selfless? You’re just being selfish as usual, trying to get as many women as possible!”

By this point, Ling’s face is bright red with anger as his hands pull at his hair. Greed frowns, but then the corners of his mouth turn up and he walks slowly toward Ling.

“W-what are you doing?”

“It’s funny, kid. This whole time I’ve been trying to figure out what the issue is. You know that I’m cocky and always have avarice, so that can’t be the problem. You’ve been acting funny for the past few days, and I think I’ve finally figured out why. We should give a call to ‘ol Envy, because I think we should have a competition to see who really deserves that name - you or him!” 

Greed stops centimeters away from Ling, but to Ling’s credit, he continues to stare into Greed’s eyes, despite his paling face.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about. Stop making things up, Homunculus!”

Greed puts his right hand on Ling’s cheek and the other on his shoulder and licks his lips. He begins to lean down slowly, but then suddenly pulls back and laughs. Ling’s face flushes as his eyes jerk open.

“Do I really have to spell it out for you, kid? I know you’re not this dense,” he says, suddenly moving his head down to Ling’s neck and licking a stripe from his collarbone up to his ear. Ling squeaks in surprise and looks Greed in the eyes. Greed’s pupils are blown huge and he licks his lips again. “Just admit it kid. You already said you’re not attracted to girls, so why don’t you just say what’s been on your mind the past few days? If not, that’s fine I can go find J-“

Greed’s eyes widen in surprise as Ling forcefully takes a hold of Greed’s shirt and smashes his lips into Greed’s. The emperor winds his hands through the homunculus’s hair and pulls Greed closer. 

Greed deepens the kiss, his tongue playing with that bottom lip Ling seems to like abusing so much. Ling suddenly pulls back, his hands shaky against the back of Greed’s head and whispers, “Does that count?”

Greed smirks at him, “I think that suffices.”

Before Ling leans in again, Greed pulls back. “I’ve got to do something first, kid.”

Ling’s eyebrows furrow as Greed disappears. Greed stands up from where they had been on the bed, and opens the door to their bedroom. He looks at Lan Fan, who glares at him (Ling is definitely the one who deserves it). She opens her mouth to speak, but Greed says, “There’s no need - the emperor knows he’s an idiot. Please inform Jei that she will not be needed tonight and I will come to my decision tomorrow.” With that, Greed turns and shuts the door as an open-mouthed Lan Fan stares after him in disbelief.

“Hey, I never said I was an idiot,” Ling says in mock hurt.

“You know you are, kid, so don’t complain unless you want to stop what we were doing.”

Greed reappears to find Ling standing in the exact spot he left him. But Greed can tell something is on the kid’s mind.

“What‘s wrong, kid? I know there’s no way you’re regretting what we just did, because I can feel how much you liked it.”

Ling flushes and stutters out, “W-well um, you see…”

“Come on, kid; I’d like to get back to what we were doing,” Greed steps closer to Ling and softly brushes the loose strands of the ponytail behind his ear in a surprisingly gentle way.

“I-I l… I don’t see how…”

“Out with it!”

“I don’t see how we can, um, take this much further!”

Ling immediately flushes a few shades redder as what he had been worrying about comes to light.

Greed takes one look at the emperor’s face and bursts out laughing. “That’s what you’re worried about, kid? I can assure you that I have a solution. Obviously it won’t be the same as if we were two separate beings, but I’m sure we can come up with a way to ease both our desires.”

Ling feels himself being shoved into control. “Why’d you do that, Greed?”

“It’s easier to show you this way. Can you still see me, kid?”

Ling sees the projection of Greed inside his mind. “Why can’t we just do it here?” He mutters, looking down.

“It won’t be pleasurable here. Even though we can kiss and hug and all that stuff here, there’s no possible way for an erection to occur. But if we take this, ah, outside the mind, there’s so much more we can do.”

“Erection?? What exactly are you planning, Greed? Do I have to remind you that I’ve never done any of that?”

“Don’t pretend that this is one-sided, Ling. I haven’t done anything yet except talk about sex and you’re already half-hard. But I’m not going to force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with, so you’re gonna have to speak up and tell me to stop if I try to go too far.”

“That’s so far from being avaricious, Greed. Are you losing your touch?” Ling teases. Suddenly, Ling squeaks as his hands are reaching to the edges of his robes and ripping them off.

“I can promise that there’s nothing wrong with my touch.”

“You’re only controlling my hands?” Ling asks as his hands slowly remove his shirt.

“Our hands. Everything that I’m doing is with our body.”

“Wait so… can you… feel what I feel um -”

“If you’re asking if I’m hard right now, yes and no. My inner self, the projection isn’t, but since we have the same body I can feel what you feel. So if you’re asking if it’s pleasurable for me as well, I can assure you it is.”

“So if I were the one controlling our hands…”

“Then I would be feeling what you’re feeling right now, like there’s someone else’s hands on me.”

Their hands finally finish removing Ling’s shirt, and it’s tossed onto the floor quickly. Ling just watches as the hands drift over his smooth abdomen and up to his chest. Ling cries out as they slide over his pert nipples.

“Kid, you have no idea how long I’ve waited to do this.”

“Ohh!” Ling moans at the sensation of Greed playing with his nipples, pulling at them not very gently. Ling shifts uncomfortably as his cock strains against his loose pants. 

“You’re already this hard and I have barely done anything.”

“Shut up,” Ling hisses out as Greed pinches his right nipple hard.

Ling can see Greed smirking as he says, “You don’t want me to stop now, do you?”

Ling grits his teeth, not wanting to give the homunculus the satisfaction of begging.

“Well I can just leave you h-“

“I don’t want you to stop,” Ling mutters, his cock feeling impossibly strained against the cloth of his pants. He tries to shift to relieve some of the pressure that’s built up.

“What did you say? I didn’t hear anything so you must want me to stop. And no moving!”

“Don’t stop.”

“I’m not buying it. Convince me that you want to keep going.”

Ling’s face burns red as he whines, “Please don’t stop, Greed. I need you!”

“That’s more like it, kid.”

The right hand stops what it was doing and runs down Ling’s abdomen while the left hand continues to show attention to Ling’s upper half. Greed cups Ling through his pants and Ling lets out a muffled cry. Greed can feel that Ling’s biting his lower lip in an attempt to be quieter.

“Stop that. I want everyone to know that you’re mine and that I’m the only one who can make you scream like this. I want to hear you.”

Ling only nods, unable to speak as he watches both hands start to pull down his pants. Their cock springs free, fully erect with precum already glistening on the tip.

“I forget that we go commando. Just makes everything more convenient,” Greed says.

Without warning, Ling cries out as Greed wraps his hand around the shaft. He brushes his thumb over the tip and hesitates.

“Kid, remember - everything that I’m doing feels good to me too. I don’t think I can stop after this point.”

“Then don’t,” Ling says and Greed begins a slow and torturous pace on their cock. 

“Wait. Give me control of the left hand.”

Greed doesn’t question it as he continues the languid pace with their right hand. Ling wraps their left hand around their cock, his hand just lower than Greed’s and he feels Greed shudder with pleasure. Following Greed’s lead, he picks up the pace and grips a little firmer. Strange enough, Ling can feel both hands, but it feels like one is his and the other is someone else’s. 

“Ahh that’s it, kid. Don’t stop now!”

Their heart races as they feel themselves approaching a climax. Greed suddenly stops his strokes as soon as Ling’s almost on the brink.

Ling moans in frustration. “Greed!”

“I know, I know. I don’t want you to come like this.”

Ling’s proud of how out of breath Greed sounds.

“We’re gonna have to move for this.”

Greed takes control of the rest of Ling’s body and puts him on his hands and knees. Then he passes back control to Ling, except for the right hand. Ling’s eyes widen as he feels them circling his hole, before one finger slick with precum pushes in.

“Oh fuck!”

“Sorry, kid. This is gonna hurt at first.”

Ling only grimaces and focuses on clenching the sheets with his left hand. Greed gives him a second to get adjusted, before slowly pumping the digit in and out. 

Ling lets out a yelp as Greed puts another finger in, stretching out his virgin hole even wider.

“I take that you’ve never fingered yourself.”

“No,” Ling struggles to get out. “Only e-ever touched my cock.”

He can hear Greed shudder at the thought as his fingers pick up the pace. 

“You haven’t done that in a year, huh? “

“H-hard to do that when you’re b-being possessed.”

“Fair point.”

“Fuck!” Ling moans as Greed’s fingers press down on his prostate. 

“We’re close, kid.”

With newfound confidence, Ling pants, “W-wanna know what I would jerk off to in those 2 years you weren’t here? The thought of your hand on me, not mine.”

Greed sounds strangled, growling out, “Fuck,” as he pumps even faster. 

“I’m gonna come!”

Greed curls his fingers and presses against the prostate as they both scream out, Ling’s voice echoing throughout the bedroom as he sees stars. Their toes curl in as they ejaculate all over their stomach and the bed sheets.

They’re both quiet for a second as Ling catches his breath.

“So you’re a screamer, huh?”

“Fuck you,” Ling whispers, without any animosity 

“Gladly. Did this live up to your dreams of a first time?”

“No. It was even better,” Ling says as he smiles softly. 

“Not to bring you down, but what are you going to do about the whole marriage situation? I’m not exactly the biggest fan of someone coming in and messing with what’s mine.”

“Way to ruin the moment,” Ling mutters. “But I’ve got a solution. Don’t worry.”

“Good. So, uh… I think I should tell-“

“It’s okay,” Ling says, before projecting himself to see Greed. Ling walks over to where Greed is, and puts his hands on his bare chest before kissing him gently. “I know.”

Greed lets out a genuine smile and kisses him back, before pulling away.

“Up for a round 2?” He asks, his usual smirk returning. 

Ling announced the following day that an Amestrian alchemist had told him the previous night that he was sterile, unable to bear his own children. (Xing didn’t need to know the real reason he didn’t want to be in a relationship with a woman.)

While causing immediate panic, the good emperor Ling eased everyone's worries by informing them that he would be choosing the next emperor by merit, not blood, in the coming years. 

So while Greed was fucked, with his blatant want of Ling to himself, he wasn’t the only one who had a great deal of avarice for the other in their relationship. Ling too was pretty greedy for a human.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Any feedback is always appreciated!


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